Player Spotlight: Jeremy Wells

Name: Jeremy Wells

Goes By: Wellsy, JW, J-Dubbs, McRambo

Handicap: 14.6

Description: This is Jeremy’s 3rd year on the NC trip, so he has some experience on the courses, might want to get him in a practice round. JW’s nickname is McRambo, so you may want to ask him nicely. Jeremy broke a friend’s nose in a Turkey Bowl game in order to get a first down. I can’t wait to see what he does to some young punks calling him out!

Description of Golf Game: The back scratcher…some people think of a long wooden stick with a little hand at the end you use to scratch your back with, I call it JW’s driver. He’s never been accused of “leaving a little in the bag” off the tee. Watch and admire the flexibility of this Varsity member.

Greatest Moment in Golf: With his partner watching the end of American Pie 2 in the theatre, JW won holes 6 & 7 in LCC’s member guest by himself. It was a rain delay people, how was I supposed to know it would be cut short!

Little Known Fact: Jeremy is not a nationally ranked amateur golfer, but he has won as many net events as Jack has majors. TAKE A SUCK OF THAT MATTARE!

Player Spotlight: Zach Sacks

Name: Zach Sacks

Goes By: Sacks

Handicap: 0.0

Description: Zach works in finance, enjoys playing squash, gets a grilled cheese as an appetizer every time he eats lunch at Saucon, and has a line of credit at Baby Gap, which is where he purchases the vast majority of his shirts.

Description of Golf Game: At first blush, you'd think this slight, Wharton grad would be short off the tee and a smart, methodical player. He's exactly that only the complete opposite. Zach is the longest hitter on the trip, capable of making birdie on any hole of any course, and possess a game tailor made for team match play. He’s also capable of turning 72’s into 79’s in the blink of an eye due to a veritable
avalanche of brain farts.

Greatest Moment in Golf: He teamed with the Young Guns’ Pat Lyons to win the 2011 Saucon Valley Member-Member in convincing fashion. His title defense was thwarted by the fact that Pat decided he’d rather hit the snooze alarm than golf balls the morning the 2012 event started.

Little Known Fact: Zach is the youngest person on the trip and used as a unit of weight measurement on the Varsity. For example, Jeremy is 1.5 Zachs.

Player Spotlight: Andy Shaver

Name: Stephen Andrew Shaver, Jr.

Nickname(s): The Shaves, Bird Man, Chicken Liver, Wibble

Handicap: 7.5

Description: Andy is a ladies man, this hasn’t stopped his friends from teasing him for dating a 22 year old. His friends are all jealous!

Golf Game Description: Sun dials move quicker than Shaver’s pre shot routine on the tee, he believes ‘ready golf’ is a term for the other 3 guys in his group, and you will be down two while complaining about how deliberate he is before you know it.

Greatest Moment in Golf: BCC, 72, chipped in for a birdie to shoot +1 on the 18th green.

Little Known Fact: If Mike Vick, and 5 other guys all got hurt, Andy would have been the back up QB for VaTech his freshman year!

Player Spotlight: Charlie Murphy

Name: Charles Murphy, Jr.

Nickname(s): Charlie Murphy, Darkness

Handicap: 10.5

Description: When Charlie isn’t impersonating boy bands or growing amazing Movember staches, he is usually found milking Fodero’s prostate. Charlie has with exception to Mattare been the most confident member of the Young Guns, or at least the most vocal. I attribute a lot of that to the fact that he has a nice swing, hits the ball 285 off the tee and carries an 11 handicap.

Golf Game Description: Charlie can birdie or double every hole he plays, when he is on he is dangerous and he’s on more than off. He’s been my pick for MVP of the Young Guns from the beginning (and yes, I’m trying to jinx you right now).

Greatest Moment in Golf: Last year at Trump National’s club demo, 5’11, 170lb Charlie Murphy outdrive 6’5 225lb Mark Sanchez on the range with the same club.

Little Known Fact: He is the only white guy with the last name of Murphy not referred to by his friends as “Murph.”

Player Spotlight: Patrick Lyons

Name: Patrick Lyons

Nickname(s): Pat

Handicap: 4.0

Description: Pat is what’s known as a “dreamer” he is always shooting for the stars. That’s why he passed on applying to Lafayette and went to a great safety school like Lehigh while listing “Mayor of Bethlehem” as his ultimate goal. Keep dreaming big Pat!

Golf Game Description: Pat is a gritty competitor who possesses a pretty swing, and a solid all-around game, but how high or low he goes is dependent on how he gets off the tee. Sometimes he rips drives 310 yards straight down the middle. Sometimes drives leave his clubface on a 55 degree angle and nothing 70 yards right of target is safe. Sometimes this leads to 72, sometime this leads to 92. It always leads to a stressful minute each time he takes the headcover off the driver.

Greatest Moment in Golf: After enduring a five year stretch where he went David Duval and couldn't break 85, Lyons emerged from the ashes to stun Lehigh Valley legend Robin McCool in a playoff and win the Saucon Valley Buck Cup (SVCC stroke play championship). Express Times scribe Karl Gilbert said it made Lehigh over Duke in the 2012 NCAA Tournament look as insignificant as Lehigh over Lafayette in football in (insert any year here) and the Miracle on Ice look ho-hum.

Little Known Fact: Pat used a suction cup at the end of his putter in high school matches so he didn't have to bend over to pick the ball out of the hole. He also slept through his tee time in the 2012 SVCC member-member. No word on whether hitting the snooze so many times was intentional since his partner was supposed to be Varsity member Zach Sacks.

Player Spotlight: Matt Mattare

Name: Matt Mattare

Nickname(s): Mattare

Handicap: +3.6

Description: His life expectancy lands somewhere in "mid-to-early 40's" due in large part to the toll Notre Dame Football has taken on him over the years.

Golf Game Description: Matt is our lone resident nationally ranked amateur in the Battle Between the Pines, which means he’s giving a shit ton of shots away all week (take your handicap, now add 4, yeah, you are getting that many shots!). That being said, Matt’s swing is smoother than my nuts after I take Tim’s Gillette Max to them.

Greatest Moment in Golf: Was it making the final 8 at the 2012 Mid-Amateur? The 64 in the second round of the Met-Am (setting the record for lowest round in 100+ year history of the tournament)? No. It was making a 1 man eagle on 13 against the Fearsome Foursome to win the Jim Flannery championship in 2011 win a playoff (Brett carried Matt’s beer, Tim pulled out the flag, and Charlie drove the cart--great job again boys!).

Little Known Fact: Matt, while being the most impressive player on this trip on paper, has won zero net events. ZERO! The Varsity quotes Kevin Nash when listening to Mattare’s endless barbs leading up to the BBTP: “Don’t just sing it, BRING IT!”

Player Spotlight: Matt Holden

Name: Matt Holden

Nickname(s): MC Happy Feet, Meredith’s bitch

Handicap: 11.5

Description: Matt is the senior Holden on the trip, safe to say, Tom learned his moves on the dance floor from watching MC Happy Feet up there when he was younger. He is the mature Holden (has been in numerous altercations where the authorities had to be called), a real people person (white people), and a go getter (when he saw a guy slamming his hose against the side of his car, we went and got the guy and choked him out on his lawn).

Golf Game Description: Matt is the prototypical country club guy (he’s white knuckling his pc right now), what I mean is Matt was probably 10+ strokes higher before joining North Hills, and after a lot of practice and playing has turned himself into the best Holden on the links. He is also a bulldog competitor who is likely to go for your nuts as grind out a win when down 3.

Greatest Moment in Golf: Matt has successfully dragged both of the twins into the playoff of his member-guest. There are rumors that the members do not believe he has twin brothers, but rather 1 asshole brother who always forgets everyone he played with the year before.

Little Known Fact: While Matt is the best Holden male, he loses to his wife in golf…regularly.

Player Spotlight: Tom Holden

Name: Tom Holden

Nickname(s): T-Money, Holden, Chris

Handicap: 16.5

Description: Tom has some “Flannery” tendencies in him. When he thinks he may have been smoking too much, he doesn’t quit, he switches to tobacco. If he is getting horrible hangovers, no more wine this week, just beer. And when asked if his handicap was 22 by the pros at North Hills, he looked them dead in the eye said, “Yep.”

Golf Game Description: For twins, there games couldn’t be less similar. Tom has the 2nd largest swing on the trip (I’m looking at you Jeremy Wells), when everything comes together, smoother than a gravy sandwich. When things go wrong, especially off the tee, don’t be surprised to hear “What the fuck” in no more than a whisper followed up by what has now become famous, a donkey slam. Tom will take the club, fully pull it over his head like someone getting ready to win a stuffed giraffe at the strong man competition at the fair, and he unleashes hell on the tee box that would dare allow him his 3rd bad drive in a row. It a word, asstastic!

Greatest Moment in Golf: Getting to the Alternate Shot playoff with older brother Matt (same year he played as a 22) before topping his first shot in front of about 80 drunk guys who obviously let him have it afterwards.

Little Known Fact: Tom likes to dance like no one is watching when everyone is watching him dance.

Player Spotlight: Chris Holden

Name: Chris Holden

Nickname(s): C-Ho, White Chris, Tom, Dad

Handicap: 12.6

Description: Chris Holden is the last person to say something mean, the first person to help out when asked.  He also has access to more tickets to more events than anyone I know.  No chance I’m taking cheap shots here, you can all suck it!

Golf Game Description:  Ok, goes without saying if Chris didn’t 3 putt he’d be a 6 handicap.  His putting stroke is as smooth as Mrs. Hutteman’s downstairs…and by downstairs I mean her vajajay!

Greatest Moment in Golf: Simple, 18th hole at Philly Cricket Club, cumulative snake on the line, missing an 18in putt by 3 feet to ensure he had the snake and owed $16 to the victor’s (thanks again buddy).

Little Known Fact: Chris is not sober in that picture.

Player Spotlight: Matt Hobbie

Name: Caleb Matthew Hobbie

Nickname(s): Hoober, Hoobastank, Hobbs

Handicap: 19.3

Description: For lack of a better word, Matt Hobbie is the balls! Little boys want to touch him and old ladies want to be held by him…err…no, he likes touching boys and old ladies?! HE’S THE BALLS!

Golf Game Description: Hobbie’s swing is as consistent as Tony Gywnn’s, 3.5/10 times you can count on him! What he lacks in reliability off the tee he more than makes up for a deft touch with his putter. He’s also never turned down a drink in his life, he is unequivocally the best drinking buddy/ golf partner combo on earth. Everyone who plays 18 holes of golf with him will a better person for it, or drunk.

Greatest Moment in Golf: 10th green at Brookside CC, Hobbie chips in for a birdie, hands raised in celebration. As Hobbie cannot imagine it getting any better than this, Mike Cerimele punches him directly in the dick and balls, ruining his finest golf moment.

Little Known Fact: Matt has 4 kids and this is going to be the least stressful 5 days of the last 5 years of his life. Have a drink with him, I guarantee he’s going to be happy.

Player Spotlight: Ponch Frank

Name: Ponch Frank

Nickname(s): None

Handicap: 11.3

Description: Ponch’s facial hair is nothing compared to his manscaping, just ask Shaver.  Ponch lives in FL and belongs to PGA National, try not to suck up to him too much on the first night youngsters, let the man enjoy a drink or two!

Golf Game Description: 2013 Clambake Champion (pictured top right), need I say more?  Fine, Ponch will not dazzle you with length or make a tear come to your eye when you see his play around the greens.  You’ll just shake his hand, say good match, and hand him $15.

Greatest Moment in Golf: 2013 Clambake Champion*

Little Known Fact: Ponch is not this guy’s real name.  Littler known fact, his real first name…

* = The Clambake is a golf tournament that Ponch hosts at PGA National, it is a 54 hole net stroke play event (again, be nice).

Player Spotlight: Mike Christensen

Name: Michael Christensen

Nickname(s): Mikey

Handicap: 10.0

Description: An irrationally hardcore sports fan who spends the majority of his days tearing out his hair thanks to the Cubs and Bears while donating most of his money to his favorite charitable organization, his bookie. He also willingly chose to live in Cincinnati, OH. In a related story, Mike is a masochist.

Golf Game Description: While his HS days of shooting mid-70s on the friendly 5700 yard confines of the white tees at Allentown Muni are long gone, he can still utilize the strongest grip in the history of golf to goose 300 yard drives out there when he gets hot. Just don’t ask him to hit a fade…ever.

Greatest Moment in Golf: Shot a blistering 151 over two rounds to squeak out the 2002 Allentown Sportsfest golf title in the 14-15 year old division. Don’t believe it? CHECK THE INTERNETS, IT’S THERE!!!

Little Known Fact: Mikey ran a marathon with little to no training, look at him, tell me what the odds you would’ve put on him completing any marathon that didn’t involve a couch, a television and Law & Order: SVU.

Player Spotlight: Chris Childress

Name: Christopher Childress

Nickname(s): Chilly

Handicap: 12.3

Description: Don’t let his sense of fashion and Hogan’s hat fool you. This boy will hip toss you over the cart if you talk in his backswing…or giggle during his follow through like this golf cart did! That being said, he’s dainty (he drinks with his pinky out).

Golf Game Description: Chilly has a swing that if someone were to compare it to music would only think a Mozart concerto, smooth, free flowing and without effort. In a word resplendent…and if you believe that I have some property in the FL marshes I’d like to talk to you about.

Greatest Moment in Golf: THE PUTT, indescribable without being in person, you will all just have to wait for a full demonstration. But if asked to describe it in a word, I guess I would say pulchritudinous.

Little Known Fact: Chilly “rebuilds” cars from the ground up, or so he claims. I think he’s just friends with lots of Japanese because he works in IT and just drinks beer while they do all the work.

Player Spotlight: Tim Flannery

Name: Timothy Flannery

Nickname(s): Tim, T-Flanz, Chunk

Handicap: 26.9

Description: A connoisseur of cola and salt, Tim has recently proved his older brothers theory that he is book smart, not street smart by proposing to his longtime girlfriend.

Golf Game Description: Take Bubba Watson + Ben Crenshaw + Tom Watson x 0 = Tim Flannery. Like watching an equine breach birth. It’s slow, painful, random limbs flying in weird directions and the result is sometimes good, sometimes terribly bad. Onlookers grimace silently hoping for the best while agreeing that they no longer have an appetite no matter the result. But he’s getting 2 shots most holes so it works for the big dumb animal!

Greatest Moment in Golf: Two net zero, number 5 at Pine Needles.*

Little Known Fact: Tim has been playing golf since 1991 and has successfully never duplicated a swing.

* = from the women's tees

Player Spotlight: Joe Flannery

Name: Joseph Flannery

Nickname(s): Joey Bags, Flanno, Sure Hands, The Flann Man

Handicap: 6.9

Description: A Big Idea Guy, which is code for saying things out loud in hopes others will make them happen for his enjoyment (see every BWF event to date).

Golf Game Description: Joe is proud of his ability to play to his handicap when in tournament play, he has however never made it past the elite 8 in a gross event losing to such heralded names as Brian Belden, Sr., Steve Rainford & Brian Bailey (4 championships between them).

Greatest Moment in Golf: Burying an eagle putt on the signature hole at Old Head.

Little Known Fact: Joe is planning on captaining the winning team this year, and he is hoping others will help make it happen for his enjoyment.

Liftoff

In a litte over a week, the greatest unplayed rivalry in golf history will commence on the hollowed grounds of Donald Ross' track Mid-Pines Golf Club. The purpose of this website will be to provide a scrapbook of the event over time. Profiles, results, trashtalk, videos, photos...they'll all be housed right here.

The inaugural edition will feature Joe Flannery's "Varsity" against little brother Tim's "Young Guns." Over the coming ten days we'll post everyone's profile and whatever other living art Joe comes up with.

Let the games begin...